The Second Best Tits In The School

Elaine from Monaghan is married to Ryan from Canada.  Like me, she plays in defence.  Unlike me, she doesn't fall apart under pressure. I made captain for the Ladies B team for the All-China Championships in Shenzhen. Ryan, who was on the selection committee, gave me the news just before our first game.  

I protested, "Why am I, captain?"  

"You're the most experienced player on the team," said Ryan.

"That's not fair," I said. "I don't want the responsibility of motivating others: I've enough crap to be dealing with."

'My team' stood miserable and rudderless on the side of the pitch.    Jules, an American and mother of four small children, came to accompany her husband TJ, who was on the Men's B team, only to find herself roped in to make up the numbers.    She was almost on the verge of tears.  I attempted to comfort her.  Jules told us of the conversation she had with her husband that morning. "I'm shit," she said.  Her husband looked at the player list and laughed, "Don't worry, you're all shit."

"Excuse me…!", I said.

Just as we were on the point of a complete meltdown, Elaine hobbled over on her crutches.  She snapped her Achilles tendon in training and couldn't play. Ryan must have tipped her off on our fragile mental states.

She sent me to find the referee and ask which direction we were playing.   Happy to be given something to do, I scampered away. 

The GAA in Ireland had flown out two referees; one from the Tyrone, the other from Sligo.  The man from Sligo flipped a coin. I returned to my team. "Well," said Elaine, "Which way?" I couldn't remember.  

Elaine directed the game from the side-line.    Once a match starts, I forget my fears, and I enter the happy zone when time stands still.   I heard someone shout, "Ger."  I looked over.  It was Sarah the sub.  She made a rolling gesture for me to come off.  I ignored her.

Then I heard someone bark, "Ger." This time it was Elaine.  She gestured with one of her crutches to come off.   I obeyed.

When I play in defence, I have no interest in how the match is going.   If I'm marking you, there is no way you are going to score.  I stick to you like Velcro and I will either outrun you or slap the ball out of your hands.  Of course, people score.  Catherine from Shanghai figured that out. I'm only five-foot-tall, and when I rush her, she lobs the ball over my head before I reach her.    In one particular match, we were playing Japan A, and I marked this girl - a mother of three children - so closely that at the half time whistle, she kicked me in the shin.  I saw it happening but don't remember feeling it. She had my sympathies: I would do the same. 

Soccer and rugby go quiet in the summer.   GAA is the only sporting action in town.  We attract all the new arrivals to HK who, anxious to keep up their fitness, join us the for the summer months.   In 2005, we had the good fortune to welcome Erin Blankenship.  Erin, an American, played soccer. The All Asian Games were coming up, and Hong Kong GAA was hosting it.  The A team had been selected and the rest of us hopefuls were waiting to see if we'd get picked for the B Team.  With Erin's arrival, it quickly became obvious that she was a fantastic football player.  Fergal, the coach from the A Team, came sniffing around our end of the training ground.   Serena urged John Hone and Ryan to select the ladies B Team before the A-Team grabbed her.  Erin was offered to play for the As. She refused, she was happy to keep practising with us.  

In the tournament final, when Erin was alone with the ball and not under pressure, Dara, our couch would shout "Soccer, Erin, soccer." This meant that Erin didn't have to pick up the ball and could stick to what she knew best.   We won the Plate Final.  I still have my lime and navy kit with the dragon logo of Hong Kong and that uniquely Irish word 'FECK' emblazoned on the chest. It's a bit tight, but I plan to be buried in it. 

Speaking of chest, in conversation with Elaine one night in Delaney's pub, I asked her how she met Ryan.  She told me they met while teaching together in a school in Thailand. As part of the story, she mentioned a colleague, Moira who was voted by the other teachers to have the '2nd best tits in the school.' I bit the hook, "Who had the first best?" Elaine smiled and said, "Me, Geraldine, I had the best tits in the school."

After we moved back to Ireland, Elaine became pregnant with their first son Finn.  I met Finn as a baby sleeping peacefully in a sling on a return visit to Hong Kong two years later.    Finn is now 14 and has cancer.  Niamh McMullen, also an ex-player is rallying all Hong Kong GAA players, both past and present, scattered around the world to run 5km on Saturday 13th June to help raise funds for Finn's treatment.

Already, there are people training.  Nora, from Ballyvourney and now a firefighter in the UK, intends to run in her uniform.   Our boys, Hubbie and I will be doing ours on the fast arse mile between Rochestown and Blackrock Castle. We're supposed to wear a costume, but Serena and I will be wearing our 'FECK' tops.    I'm so out of shape; it's sure to bring back memories of my first training session on New Year's Day seventeen years ago, "I can't do this, I can't do this. Oh, I've just done it. I'll keep going so."