I'm still on the road. I am loathe to use the term personal journey because everyone is on a journey and everybody's journey is personal.
I hope to never reach the end of the road and I can't see it happening in this lifetime. This is not as depressing as it may sound: Carl Jung argued that one should not fear aging because as long as we remain open and curious to life we are constantly learning and evolving until the day we die.
I am far from enlightenment but does that matter? My life has changed because I have changed. Would I have changed anyway? What can I compare it to?
Evelyn Cusack, the RTE TV weather lady when asked about gardening chirped, "That women over 50 either turn to gardening or to God." That made me sit up. I had just turned 50 and had suddenly developed a fierce interest in gardening. It's a sickening feeling to realise you're following a predictable path.
Some months later, Brighid Daly my psycho-therapist friend living in Kerry held a one day work shop in Fenit Harbour, Tralee on a stunningly beautiful day in 2018. Ireland was then basking in the most glorious heatwave. The sea glittered in the harbour, the noon day sun bounced off the white washed walls and the grass in the fields....was dry and turning brown. Inside a dark room with 20 other women and one lone man in stark contrast to the harsh sunshine outside, Brighid opened the day with, "Women over 50 either turn bitter or they get wise."
That line punched me in the chest. It was my wish since my teens to grow into a wise old woman. If I did not start getting wise soon, I might start heading into the other alternative. I have met bitter women and they are ugly to be with. My grand mother on my father's side was, in my experience, a bitter woman. Her husband died bankrupt leaving her almost penniless, she hated men as a result and barely spoke to my father who was also her son. I resolved not to be like her. I've learned since however, that not everyone saw her the same I did. Maybe if I had money and lost it through the stupidity of a man maybe I'd be the same. Still, I was determined from childhood not to grow bitter like her.
I hope to never reach the end of the road and I can't see it happening in this lifetime. This is not as depressing as it may sound: Carl Jung argued that one should not fear aging because as long as we remain open and curious to life we are constantly learning and evolving until the day we die.
I am far from enlightenment but does that matter? My life has changed because I have changed. Would I have changed anyway? What can I compare it to?
Evelyn Cusack, the RTE TV weather lady when asked about gardening chirped, "That women over 50 either turn to gardening or to God." That made me sit up. I had just turned 50 and had suddenly developed a fierce interest in gardening. It's a sickening feeling to realise you're following a predictable path.
Some months later, Brighid Daly my psycho-therapist friend living in Kerry held a one day work shop in Fenit Harbour, Tralee on a stunningly beautiful day in 2018. Ireland was then basking in the most glorious heatwave. The sea glittered in the harbour, the noon day sun bounced off the white washed walls and the grass in the fields....was dry and turning brown. Inside a dark room with 20 other women and one lone man in stark contrast to the harsh sunshine outside, Brighid opened the day with, "Women over 50 either turn bitter or they get wise."
That line punched me in the chest. It was my wish since my teens to grow into a wise old woman. If I did not start getting wise soon, I might start heading into the other alternative. I have met bitter women and they are ugly to be with. My grand mother on my father's side was, in my experience, a bitter woman. Her husband died bankrupt leaving her almost penniless, she hated men as a result and barely spoke to my father who was also her son. I resolved not to be like her. I've learned since however, that not everyone saw her the same I did. Maybe if I had money and lost it through the stupidity of a man maybe I'd be the same. Still, I was determined from childhood not to grow bitter like her.
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