Driving Parents Mad

It all started over breakfast when my eldest son borrowed a library book from my middle son. Middle was anxious to get it back. Eldest said piously, “You have to share.” In retaliation, Middle refused to eat his breakfast.
Finally, Eldest removed himself off to school, Middle got his book back and peace was restored. Youngest son then bounced into the kitchen, bright as a rocket but still undressed. I ignored him. I was mooching into my Special K when he politely took out a folder from his school bag and showed me the list of things that he needed for his swimming lessons which were starting that day. I mumbled, “You know where to find them.” And he did, astonishingly enough.
When Middle finally stirred himself to get dressed he found that Youngest was wearing his tracksuit top. Youngest’s top had holes in the elbows and said that his teacher told him that he could no longer wear holes. Middle son wouldn’t care if the item of clothing was slashed from armpit to wrist but he was not going to school in a top with the sleeves shrunk to his elbows. I agreed with him. Rather than wrench the top off Youngest, I pleaded to his good side – I know he has one – to swap. He smiled triumphantly but refused. We managed to find another top, without holes.
Back downstairs, Middle launched a fresh attack. I had promised to buy him a new tracksuit the day before but with the visit to the library and the doctor, we forgot the tracksuit. I countered with a gentle, ‘you never reminded me’ and it all got bent out of shape very rapidly.
I hustled them into the car. We joined the snail trail to school and the recriminations continued. I kept reminding myself that I was the adult.
Then Middle said, “I have to pee” and Youngest demanded, “Are we there yet?” when it was obvious we weren’t. I ignored them.  They up the barrage of useless comments. I responded finally with a joke but it only made things worse. And then I snapped..  I gave them the hairdryer treatment.  They both shrank back into their seats and babbled their apologies. It turned out that the library book they were reading was Bart Simpon’s Guide to Life and they were on the chapter How to annoy your parents. It worked.